Credit for this post goes to a very good friend named Ian K. McLeod. A Canadian friend with a big heart and delicious candy at his fingertips, to be precise.
I received three emails from Ian this evening and I love reading his emails because he always seems to shine a flashlight in my eyes (this is supposed to be a cool-ass metaphor about him enlightening me on anything and everything).
One day, I'm going to buy my passport and visit him and his ugly dogs. <----Actually, no dog is ugly, but the only reason those words have been written is simply because one of Ian's dogs won an Ugliest Dog contest and ended up on a few billboards just last month. Not even kidding.
So I'm thinking about all the great stories that Ian and I have shared over the years and one email in particular randomly pops into my head. I hope he doesn't mind me sharing this; I just feel as though it's too knee-slapping hilarious not to be shared!
He turns to me yesterday and asks if I would like a "million dollar idea."
I tell him, sure, I was doing nothing...lay it on me...
He says, "...Make a western...but DON'T have GUNS...make the hero like Mandrake the Magician...he gets it all done with gestures and hypnotic commands."
I just stare back blankly.
He goes on.
"The villain should be Tom Cruise, because he believes in a Godless religion."
I nod. Ask who the HERO should be.
"Vice President Joe Biden. Think about it. Google Mandrake. If he walks into a bar Lee Van Cleef or Clint Eastwood would plug him right away...he's MYSTERIOUS and SCARY. But Joe Biden can put 'the whammy on Sammy' before he even knows what goes on.'
I would later tell all this to my dad. He would laugh and say that HE would pay to see this...might even be better then JACK AND JILL...I reply back that it wouldn't be hard to do that...
Meanwhile our Idea Man turns and says, "Know what's RETARDED???"
"I give up..."
"Some people disagree with President Obama and because of this spread stories that he wasn't born in America...thats's so f@cken stupid it's RETARDED...why DISRESPECT a man just because you don't AGREE with him??"
I just look at him. He is making total sense. Then he breaks this by giving me a paper with a kabillion numbers on it. He says it's Bidens' phone number. The more important you are, the longer the number. Says Obama's number is four pages long.
Finds out he really likes Obama and has 3 legal pads full of movie titles and plots for him to do when he retires. Obama Defeats the Martians/Obama Moves Next Door/Obama The Pro Golfer/Obama vs. Hitler/Secret Agent Obama...it just goes on...
Thanks, Ian. This makes me laugh again and again. I hope that one day my phone number will be four pages long, too.
Fiction, poetry, and all that good stuff . . .