Screeching Butterflies

INSPIRED BY: CRISTY MECK

Have you ever been attacked by a butterfly? I have.

Butterflies, I tell you, are dangerous. Don't be fooled by their colors or fluttery-flutters.

I was an innocent seventh grader, playing a game of "throw" in my front yard with my best friend Cristy. I say "throw," by the way, because I was the one holding the softball glove and there was absolutely no catching involved. Maybe ducking, but no catching.

Then again, I wasn't really trying. I didn't want to be outside. I thought that spending time outside was no way to spend my time. I wanted to go inside and bake chocolate chip cookies or watch MTV. Cristy, however, was convinced that it was a beautiful day.

Yeah. A beautiful day for a butterfly attack.

Let me tell you something. Butterflies are dangerous. Yes, I know I told you that four paragraphs ago, but I'm not lying. This is what happened.

Fifteen minutes into our game of "throw," Cristy threw the softball so hard and so far that it made me upset enough to rip off my glove and march toward my house. I had almost reached the front door when a butterfly came a-flyin' near my face, causing me to dance an ugly dance that helped shoo the invasive insect away.

Cristy ran toward me and asked what was wrong.

"That butterfly . . . that damn butterfly tried to land on me!" I said, trying to catch my breath.

"You mean to tell me that you were running from a butterfly?" Cristy asked.

"Yes, because when butterflies land on you, they screech!”

Cristy laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed. To this very day, she still laughs. And to this very day, I am still afraid of butterflies.

Screw those signs that say "Beware of Dog." I will gladly initiate the production of the alliteration-friendly alternative: "Beware of Butterflies." And whether Cristy likes it or not, I'll place that sign in my future old-lady garden and write "This safety message is endorsed by Cristy Meck" in permanent marker.

Remember, innocent children: The only way to prevent a butterfly attack is to stay indoors. Now go make some chocolate chip cookies.

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Cristy's original writing prompt: "Okay, so this idea might be classified as horror to you. But, I think it would be interesting/funny if you wrote something about the screeching butterflies of our youth. Or, should I say your youth, because I still insist that no such
things exist."