INSPIRED BY: CRISTY MECK
Have you ever been attacked by a butterfly? I have.
Butterflies, I tell you, are dangerous. Don't be fooled by their colors or fluttery-flutters.
I was an innocent seventh grader, playing a game of "throw" in my front yard with my best friend Cristy. I say "throw," by the way, because I was the one holding the softball glove and there was absolutely no catching involved. Maybe ducking, but no catching.
Then again, I wasn't really trying. I didn't want to be outside. I thought that spending time outside was no way to spend my time. I wanted to go inside and bake chocolate chip cookies or watch MTV. Cristy, however, was convinced that it was a beautiful day.
Yeah. A beautiful day for a butterfly attack.
Let me tell you something. Butterflies are dangerous. Yes, I know I told you that four paragraphs ago, but I'm not lying. This is what happened.
Fifteen minutes into our game of "throw," Cristy threw the softball so hard and so far that it made me upset enough to rip off my glove and march toward my house. I had almost reached the front door when a butterfly came a-flyin' near my face, causing me to dance an ugly dance that helped shoo the invasive insect away.
Cristy ran toward me and asked what was wrong.
"That butterfly . . . that damn butterfly tried to land on me!" I said, trying to catch my breath.
"You mean to tell me that you were running from a butterfly?" Cristy asked.
"Yes, because when butterflies land on you, they screech!”
Cristy laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed. To this very day, she still laughs. And to this very day, I am still afraid of butterflies.
Screw those signs that say "Beware of Dog." I will gladly initiate the production of the alliteration-friendly alternative: "Beware of Butterflies." And whether Cristy likes it or not, I'll place that sign in my future old-lady garden and write "This safety message is endorsed by Cristy Meck" in permanent marker.
Remember, innocent children: The only way to prevent a butterfly attack is to stay indoors. Now go make some chocolate chip cookies.
Cristy's original writing prompt: "Okay, so this idea might be classified as horror to you. But, I think it would be interesting/funny if you wrote something about the screeching butterflies of our youth. Or, should I say your youth, because I still insist that no such
INSPIRED BY VITALY POTSELUEV
1. You know how it goes: someone will randomly ask what you would do if you won a million dollars and you give a basic answer. Well, here's my exact answer!
$500,000 - pay off all my debts, purchase a car, travel the world and purchase a house complete with a Michael Jackson room that contains tiles that light up, Billie Jean-style! The rest? Invest, invest, invest!
$150,000 - to my parents, for whatever they'd like to purchase
$100,000 - to my sister, for whatever she'd like to purchase
$100,000 - to be split between all my family members and some very good friends
$100,000 - to be split between all the Humane Societies and animal rescue shelters in my neighborhood, as well as the ASPCA and Clearwater Marine Aquarium in Florida
$25,000 - Michael Jackson memorabilia
$7,000 - Dermalogica skin care products
$5,000 - a lifetime supply of Snapple
$5,000 - a lifetime supply of lollipops and candy
$5,000 - to be spent on gift cards for restaurants, gas, recreation, etc.
$2,000 - open a tea shoppe
$1,000 - a beautiful, custom-made jukebox
*TOTAL = $1,000,000! :)
*Subject to change, of course . . .
2. If I traveled to a country wherein nobody spoke English, I would try to point and make gestures that would help people understand what I'm trying to say. I would also go to a bookstore and purchase a translation guide, then go to the nearest coffee shop to see if I could make a friend who knows how to speak some English. Just because I'm in a country full of people who do not share my native tongue does not mean I should leave as soon as possible. Rather, I would try to learn the language, learn how to appreciate the culture, and do my best to make friends. I might get a little discouraged at times because communication is so important, but I would keep telling myself to make it a worthwhile experience so that upon my departure, I could say that I learned a lot not only about the country, but also about myself.
Vitaly's original writing prompt: "1. What would you do with 1 million of USD? 2. What would you do, if you have appeared in country, where nobody speaks English?"
Shew Chewer Sadie
INSPIRED BY MARYANN PONGRAC
Mie pink shew gon' on and disappyeared on may. I don' kno where it could bee. I thank the cullprat was my dawg Sadie. Brittany spaniel with pretty pretty eyes, like a beaut.
Sadie gon' like to chew on thangs and loves to chew my shews. Thank she thanks its a chew toy or somethang. But my shews don't squeak like a squeak toy so I don' kno why she keeps chewin' like thait.
I wanna tell Sadie she cain't be doggone chewin' my shew 'cause I pay biggers monay for them shews. You kno why she keeps doin' thait and gettin' 'way with ait? 'Cause she's jus' so dargonnit cute. So cute. Like them orangutangers at them there zoos.
Sometimes I want to buy those 'tangs. Go to them zoos and pick one up for meself. But gyess what? I own Sadie and I don' thank she'd very wale get along with them 'tangers. She is too hypercrazie. Sometimes even too hyper for may.
Oh, dere's my pank shew! Right dere on my bathroom sank. I knew I must have hid that shew from Sadie this mornin'. Glad it didn't fall into ma toilet. Phew.
Maryann's original writing prompt: "Oh where, oh where can my pink shoe be?" (in reference to Sadie, a dog with an unusual affection for shoes)
Photo courtesy of Dan DiPaolo
INSPIRED BY DAN DiPAOLO
Jimmy is bloody heavy.
He's almost done. He's almost done.
Stupid spraypainter. Stupid stupid me, stupid money-hungry me.
The heels of his shoes dig dig dig into my shoulders. And keep digging.
He's taking his time and wasting my time. His outfit is horrible, too.
Chicks dig Jimmy.
Digging, digging, digging. Stupid cartoon feet.
One-hundred degrees in Boston and I'm on my tippy-toes. If he spelled the restaurant's name wrong, I'm not coming back.
Dan's original writing prompt: "You should write a story about this (photo) for your blog. And you should add the photo."
INSPIRED BY: KRYSTA PONGRAC
Fly on ma pancake and it won't go away
Fly on ma pancake and what do I say?
Hey, hey, hey! Get away, get away, get away!
Before I swat you with ma favorite toupe
The hair on ma head ain't real, it's fake
And I'll swat that fly with ma favorite toupe
Fly on ma pancake and it won't go away
Fly on ma pancake and what do I say?
Hey, hey, hey! Fly away, fly away, fly away!
Before you drown in all my syrup-ayyyyyyy
This syrup on my plate is sticky, okay?
It'll tear off your legs and send you on your way
(Outro, spoken: Now Iet me eat my damn pancake.)
Krysta's original writing prompt: "Do you remember when we were at Capris and wrote a song about Fried Ham? Well i challenge you to write about fried ham part 2 or any other food song....make it rhyme and be funny! Good Luck! ;)"
INSPIRED BY: TRISH MINCEK
I'm not really prepared to swerve as soon as I notice the dead animal in the middle of the
road, but I do anyway. I am pretty sure it is a giant groundhog . . .
. . . no, wait . . . ummm, a giant bear? A teddy bear? Okay, son of a bitch. There is a baby blue teddy bear in the middle of the road, and I almost caused an accident in an attempt to avoid hitting it.
Only in Ohio!
As I look in my rearview mirror, I can't help but laugh as the giant stuffed animal rolls from its belly to its back, being tossed around by the wind from all the passing cars.
Now that I think about it, I wonder whose teddy bear got tossed out the window. Could it have been a toddler's favorite toy? Or was it a stupid prank by a high schooler who wanted to see how many people symphathized for roadkill in the form of a stuffed animal? Either way, I'm glad I didn't run it over after all. I don't need stuffing all up in my tires, if you know what I mean.
Trish's original writing prompt: "You should write about how in ohio you can get into
accidents with a giant stuffed animal chilling in the middle of the road...it
was a baby blue teddy bear by the way."
I take requests!
Let's get jiggy with it. Na na na na na na na, na na na na na na!